Today I found out through the grape vine that she has said she is done and had enough. My heart is finally broken. I have said that to her many times, but I never really meant it. There has always been something about her that I just couldn't fully pull myself out of the marriage no matter how hard I tried.
After hearing this news, I left my dads house and went for a drive. As it turns out it was a very long drive. Driving has always had a way of calming me down and relaxing me. On the way there I received a very unexpected call from a friend who was concerned about my most recent facebook post that said "ugh... I am very discourage right now... Please God..." This friend was able to relate to me and I had no idea that he had gone through a similar situation. He gave some great advice. It was the right call at the right time. I had earlier left a message with my Aunt. My Aunt returned my call and she began to give me practical applications in the Bible to use to pray and to maybe get some peace. I had explained to her the night before I had a real spiritual battle and my heart raced all night long.. I then called my Dad and shared with him how God had these two people call me when I was feeling so discouraged. God is so there at the right time and always when we need him most. The rest of the drive was good.
I read Joshua Ch. 1 tonight and one of the verses in there was "I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength and courage!" Joshua 1 was talking about when the Israelites were getting ready to cross the Jordan River. They were all nervous and scared. But Joshua Moses assistant; was preparing the for the journey across by telling them about the land of which they were going to step foot on. One of the things that my Aunt Mel had told me tonight was to claim a promise in the word of God. There are all kinds, but that I needed a thus saith the Lord moment. My promise tonight is that God will not leave me. I think tonight God has already proved that.
One other thing, I watched the movie Fireproof last night. I cried almost all the way through, but this was the first time I actually watched it and listened to every word of it. That movie could have been made for me. Specifically I learned that we need to love our spouses like God loves us... unconditionally. So even though my wife says that she is done with me and had enough, I will not give up, because until God says it is over, it is not over. I know God will answer prayer and he will heal the wounds. I want what God wants.