This is what the LORD says: "Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls
Today is Sunday and all week I have been wondering where I was going to church. This morning I had narrowed it down between two churches. One was the church I was raised in and the other was a church that my best friend went to. I decided to go to the church I was raised in. I have family that goes there but, more importantly it is where I was feeling lead to go. So that is where I went. I left the house with the intent on getting to the church right as the service was starting. I didn't feel much like being social and I wanted to be able to sneak from the back unnoticed. But not so much... there is my sister up at the piano who saw me walk in and gave a big wave. "Great" I thought.. "so much for being unnoticed." Typically I would be hiding behind my wife. She is the social butterfly of the two us. I really missed her today. Not because she is my social buffer, but because I have now realized how important it is for us to be on the same page spiritually. It felt so strange not being in church with her by my side. For the last 14 years we have always been in church together.
It never fails though, when ever I decide to make a visit to this church, it is always some type of missionary event. Don't get me wrong, I support our missionaries and hearing their story today will make me pray for them. I also realize that without our prayerful support they wouldn't be able to do God's work. Anyway back to my point. I was first saved in this church. This is when I first heard God speaking to me. I was standing at the crossroads as young child and God was asking me which way I was going to go. Well today the missionary was talking about how she was questioning God about why he had brought her to Africa when she could be doing this work in America. But he provided an answer in such a way that her story is not complete and God was not done working. Immediately tears are flowing down my face. I knew exactly why God had wanted me to go to this church. God wanted to speak to me as he did when I was a child. God is not done yet. The story of my marriage is not yet complete. God is not finished with this story. I left after the missionary part was over. I prayed all the way home that God would complete our story according to his perfect will. I asked him once again to speak to my wife in way that she could hear him. I asked God to reveal my heart to her and for her to be able to feel where I was at.
I finished reading "The Shack" today. What a great way of presenting God. I was able to identify with this book all the way through. Even realized a couple of things in my situation that I had really screwed up on. I stopped reading and asked God for forgiveness on those things. God is ever so present in my life and I have felt him so near today. I praise him for that. I will tell you the beginning of this story when the time comes. As I look back, I never really truly realized how God was there for me.
Another answer to pray that I have been praying about this week. I was praying for a chance to meet with a friend who I have hurt in this whole journey. She gave me the time of day and I was very grateful. I apologized to her. I shared with her what God had done for me. I understood that the consequences of my actions really damaged the friendship amongst other things. She had some words to say for me that were tough to hear, but I completely understood where she was coming from. I am thankful that I was provided a chance to share with her. I trust God will work here in this friendship.
I hope some day I get the chance to share with my wife what God has done for me. I truly love her so much. I hope she will forgive me and we can start to build something amazing. I told my friend today that I am dying to see my wife. I want to hug my wife and whisper in her ear that everything is finally going to be ok. Then tell my wife how much I love her. I am dying to walk in after our day and give her a hug and kiss and ask her about her day. I am dying to be her husband forever and I hope she will give that chance to me. I have a picture here that I look at sometimes and God has really shown me how beautiful she is. I love her hair, her smile, her eyes and the way she is next to me in this picture. I long so bad for her to be next to me again. Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but inside she is amazingly beautiful. I love her heart. I could go on and on.
OK so what to pray for. Pray that God will move her to reach out to me. Pray that God will speak to her in a way she can hear him. Pray for me, it seems to be a pattern, of one good day and one bad day. It would really be nice to have two good days in a row. This roller coaster of emotion is making me sick to my stomach. Kidding.. BUT STILL. Pray that God will continue to help me not to have so much anxiety and that I would trust him completely. Pray for patience. I need tons of those right now.
Thank you Lord for bringing my back to the place where you first spoke to my heart. Thank you so much for making yourself known to me in this place. Thank you for having a purpose for the basics.