Friday, January 6, 2012

I need some heart glue...

Isaiah 43:2-4
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.

This was scripture sent to me by my very best friend in the entire world today. Something happened today. I was served papers today and my heart that was just starting to mend at the very bottom ripped again. Two heart breaks in one week is hard to take. To tell you the truth, I was both sad and disappointed. I KNOW that my wife has felt this MANY times before because of me. This is so hard sometimes to face. But I will continue to fight. But here is what is interesting, amazing, and a blessing all tied into one. My devotions, my scripture, my prayer time were not as... yes looking for the word or phrase here... well let's just say that I felt lost. I tried to pray and didn't know what to pray. I asked God to lead me how to pray and to prepare me. About 3/4 of the way to work, God revealed to me what was going to happen today. Sure enough after getting to work 30 minutes later I received papers.

God prepared me for this. After talking with a couple of people, I am staying the course. These papers were created and God knew about them a long time ago. They are JUST paper right now. I don't like to make assumptions, but I am pretty sure these papers were created on immediate emotion and not according to the Lord's will. You know how I know that? God hates divorce and it says so in his word. One of the things that I am discovering is the closer I grow to the Lord, the more insight he gives to prepare us for what is coming. I will say it again. I will continue to pray, I will continue to praise, and I will continue to trust the Lord through this. I want the Lord's will for my life and I never want to walk out of it again. So when the rivers, and waves try to sweep over me I will trust the Lord. When I am facing fire, I know that I will be able to walk through it without being burned because the Lord will be by my side. I know through it all that the Lord has a plan for my life. I will be honorable, loving, and understanding through all of this. Because I honored the Lord and seeking his will, he will bless me.

Here is one of my favorite songs to sing at church. I happen to know it is one of my wife's favorite as well. This has been on my mind since this morning.
I will sing praise, I will lift my voice,
I will sing praise, I’ve made my choice.
I will sing praise in all I do.
I will sing praise to you.

No matter the storms that come my way,
No matter the trials I may face,
You promised that you would see me through.
So, I will trust in you.
I will trust in you

God has forgiven me for the past. It is in the past and because he has forgiven me, it is no longer. I know because of our sins and shame, that there are always ramifications because of our past life or former sinful self. I know that I will face those and I will face those accepting full responsibility for my sin. Jesus died on the cross for my sin. The best part is that is God is a God of second chances and those are unlimited. I plan on using no more second chances. I will stay in the Lords will, trust him, and when I am impatient God will help me look back at what he did for me. I rely on the Lord every day to give me strength. I have never relied on him like I do now. The Lord is my source and strength.

OK So here is what to pray for. The list is long. Pray that the Lord would help me to continue to trust in him. Those papers were an expected bump in the road. God knew about it before I did and he helped me navigate through the emotions associated with it. Continue to pray that the Lord would speak to my wife in a way that she can hear him. Pray that the wolf in sheep's clothing, essentially the enemy would be distracted and defeated. Pray that the Lord would move my wife to contact me. I have to do something tomorrow that a year ago I was ready to do. Now I hate that I have to go see my lawyer concerning the papers I received today. I need wisdom and strength. I don't want a divorce it's simply not God's perfect will.
Father thank-you for your knowledge ahead of time. You were faithful yesterday, you are faithful today, and I know you will be faithful tomorrow.