Monday, January 23, 2012

I sank...

I find myself dealing with some residue from the past two years. This is something for that was unexpected and I didn't do such a good job at dealing with it. So what happened on Friday night was a bump in the road. It was bound to happen and I screwed up.

I seem to have this fear of conflict when it comes to seeing my past. That distraction messed up my evening on Friday with my wife and friends. I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder and it totally took away from where my focus should have been. I have had this saying for a long time and I have told a few people about it. The saying goes like this: Imagine trying to walk a straight line forward and not tripping while looking backwards or being blindfolded. Well that was me Friday night. I was trying to walk forward, but got tripped up because I was looking behind me. I was so distracted that I majorly tripped and fell. I am a bit bruised and sore, but I learned my lesson. I know that I should have trusted my past with God and left it there for him. But I failed. I immediately gave it back to God and left it there. It is still there now.

I know that I am not going to be perfect in this journey. I know that things are going to come my way and try to trip me up. It is like Peter walking on the water.

Matthew 14:26-31
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Take a look at verses 28 - 31. Hmmmm this was me on Friday. I took my eyes off of Jesus and then found myself saying "Lord, save me!!". What I discovered is simple. DO NOT TAKE MY EYES OFF OF JESUS!! Had I just had faith that he will take care of everything and walk with me on the journey, my fears and anxieties would not have happened. I simply took my eyes off of Jesus and sank. Hard lesson learned, but now I have a reference point of what not to do when fears and anxieties try to over take me.

OK so what to pray for. Pray specifically this week for my kids. The dynamic is getting better, but one of them is struggling to adjust. Pray for our marriage of course to continue to grow in the Lord.

Father thank you for being my life vest and saving me when I take my eyes off of you. Thank you for hearing me say "Lord save me!!" Thank you father for teaching moments that you use to teach us a lesson. Father thank you for loving me.