Saturday, January 14, 2012

Introducing my wife...

I had mentioned earlier in this blog that things were going to change a bit. Well tonight something is changing. I know I have not written for almost 48 hours, but we have been busy with things needing to be done. I wanted to take this time to introduce the girl of my dreams and the one who sets the example of how to love a spouse unconditionally. She is the one I have been praying for constantly for during the last two weeks. She is my amazing wife. I still don't think I deserve her, but she still loves me as her husband. This is a huge answer to pray, promises from my heavenly father fulfilled. So tonight she is going to write. Sooo introducing my wife...

These last two years have been such an emotional time in my life seeing my marriage crumble right in front of my eyes.  I thought that all that I have been thru would or could prepare me for what was in store for me in my near future.  However, these last two and half weeks has been the most earth shattering times in my life.

I did not think that things could get any worse but they did.  In the aftermath of the worse day of my life I sat and wondered how my life could have ended up in such a mess.  I was bound determined never to let anyone or anything ever to hurt me again.  However, even in my loneliness I never would have imagined what God was doing in the life of my husband.  For two years I had been praying that God would bring back this amazing man that I fell in love with.  However, I felt that he was taken from me and after that dreadful day I decided to throw in the towel and move on with my life.  I had prayed, begged, and gave up who I was as a person to make this marriage work. No matter what I did nothing worked.  Little did I know that God was changing my husband in a way that even I could not believe. 

My counselor said it would have to take a huge act from God for this marriage to work.  Well, much to my surprise God is working.  I can not believe this man who is in front of me and how God is transforming his life.  I have to admit that I did not believe nor did I want to believe that he changed in fear that I would open my heart and get it stomped on again.  I was done this time for real done.  I got the lawyer and the papers were served.  However, after I had the opportunity to talk with him, I could see the change in him that I thought was never possible.  We have talked more these last two days than we have in such a long time.  We have connected and got back to the basics.  We have had devotions and prayer time.  Something that we have never done in our marriage.  I know that there are going to be many people who do not understand why I am allowing myself to open up again and see where the road leads us, however, that is what got us in the mess we are in.  Worrying about everyone else and what they thought.  My mother in law took a step of faith and came over to talk to me before Wednesday.  She told me that she has not lied to me during the last year of my life.  She always told me when she thought he was not doing what he was suppose to be doing.  She said to me.  You have prayed and waited for this opportunity be sure that you do not close the door on this marriage.  HE HAS CHANGED AND GOD GOT A HOLD OF HIS LIFE.  I did not believe it, however, when I was given the opportunity to talk to him, I could see the change he has made in his life.  I am so amazed how this broken man has transformed his life and is trying really hard to prove to me how much he loves me.  I have access to his phone and laptop which is something that he always hid from me.  It is something that is new to me.  He is an open book.  He cares about me and my well being.  I still know we have many hurdles to jump through and many things that we need to face.  I still have trust issues and insecurities about us and our relationship.  I struggle with how he could change this quickly.  However, I do not want to underestimate God.  He is in control and will take care of us and our family.  I could write forever,  however, I will save that for another day.  I am so excited to see what God has in store for us.  I know that we can have something amazing.  I know God is going to protect us.  No matter what happens we always end up back together.

What to pray for today:  That we stay focused on God and each other.  That we have one day where there is not any drama.  That we continue to love each other.  No matter what or who comes in our way that we will stay strong for each other and that our love will conquer all.

I am so glad that my husband prayed for me.  That my heart would soften and see what a change he has made for himself, me and our children.  I am so thankful that we serve a God who forgives and is a God of second chances.  I am going to take the second chance that he has given us and restore this marriage.  Stay tuned to see this amazing journey we are about to take.