Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I am so tired....

I am finding through this journey that things are tough sometimes. Praying when you are tired is tough, working when you are tired is tough, being a parent is extremely tough when you are tired. Being a husband is tough as well when you are tired.

I haven't been able to sleep much the past few nights. I don't know if it is the stress of my job, or something else. I haven't figured it out yet. For the last couple of months I have been searching for the Lords will. I know there is something in store and I don't know if it is the unknown that is stressing me out. The past couple of days, satan has tried to come into the house and divide. Well... we won't have anything to do with it. Honestly it just motivates me to depend on God even more. I sometimes wonder if this battle I am fighting is directly with satan and he is trying to doing everything he can to stop me from serving the Lord.

Luke 6:38
Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."

This verse popped into my mind today and speaks volumes to me. My devotions have been about God's will and complete surrender to him. My prayer time has been spent praying for others, but also pleading with God to show me what his will is for my life. I have asked him to show me what stands in the way of me having a complete relationship with him. I often wonder lately what is stopping me from being completely poured out in order for the Lord to use me. I question myself is the measure at which I am praying and seeking not good enough? Is where I am not giving enough? All I want is for the Lord to reveal himself to me every day however he sees fit. I want the Lord to use me for the purpose he had in him mind when he created me.

Physically because of the lack of sleep I am starting to get real tired. I have been wondering if this is the Lord's way of wearing me down so that all I have is him to depend on for strength. Every morning that I pray, some times there are long pauses between my praying. I often find myself asking the Lord what to pray for and to lead me. It is not that I do not pray for others, because I do. But what specifically am I missing that I should be focusing in on. Sometimes I really have no clue. I want to make sure that when I pray, it is my desire to be holy, pleasing acceptable to the Lord. That the things I ask God for, are for his purpose and not my own.

So here is my assurances

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Though I am still tired, starting to get weary, and wondering what the Lord is doing, I will trust him. The Lord already knows, he already has it planned. I just need to be patient. I think tonight if I wake up, I shall be like Samuel and tell the Lord here I am, please speak to me. I just want to be near the Lord and I want to stay close to him. I never want to go out of the Lord's will. The song comes to mind today and although it is one of my favorite Christmas songs, the first few lines of the third verse come to mind.

Be near me Lord Jesus I ask thee to stay
Close by me forever and love me I pray.
Bless all the dear children in thy tender care
And take us to heaven to live with thee there

OK so what to pray for... My wife and her job, the Lords will for my life, that I could sleep tonight and get some rest, if not that I would answer the Lord when he wakes me up. Pray for my oldest son, been a tough week for him.

Father I want to be more like you, I want to serve you and I want your will only for my life. Thank you Father for creating me for your purpose and I ask soon you show me what that is.