Thursday, March 15, 2012

Yesterday.... and updates...and kids...

No news to report and all I can say is God was at work and we will wait until May 9th for the next court date. Aside from that I spent a wonderful day with my wife. We rode on our bikes for four miles and then walked another six. Needless to say I am in a little pain today. I will survive because it was worth every minute of holding hands with my wife as we walked and talked.

To update you on the people that were giving my family problems. In my prayer time God made a point to me in some of the things I was thinking. God has told me to let it go and not to worry about it anymore. It will take care of itself. So that is what I am going to do. Where God leads I will go.

We have started something new in our house. It is called family devotion time. This is time with our kids before they go to bed. I heard my Dad speak many times about the family alter of prayer and that is where he gave his heart to Jesus as a young child. I hope through this, that our kids discover who Jesus really is to them. Last nights devotion was about worry and what we do with it. I had read this devotion before I presented it to our kids. I do this so I don't fumble through the words, but also so I can think of questions to ask them. In the last couple of days I have asked our kids three questions about what they have felt and experienced the past year or so.

1. How did you feel when Mommy and Daddy fought all of the time? Our kids virtually answered the same. They were scared, worried that we were going to split up and it caused them a lot of worry. Well?? Why wouldn't it...right? If you lived in a house where your parents constantly fought and didn't get a long, I would have worried as a kid too. I remember a couple fights with my parents as a child and I was scared because the fights sometimes escalated to more than just normal toned talking. AKA yelling match.

2. How did you feel when Daddy left and wasn't around? Again our kids virtually answered the question the same way. They were scared that I was never going to come back. If I did come back and I left to go some where, would I be coming back home. Another answer was I wasn't around for them to spend time with and the missed me. I am seeing this in our house. For example, if we put the kids to bed and I run out to the garage or pull the cars into the garage, the kids are worried that I am not coming back. Ever during the day when I leave to go some where, they sometimes get scared that I am not coming home. It hasn't been happening as often. I think the kids are starting to believe that we will ALWAYS be a family. Also I am seeing them wanting to spend more time with us and asking me or my wife to play with them or snuggle and watch a movie.

3. How did you feel now that Mommy and Daddy don't fight? Again same answer. They are happy and not scared because they see us being happy. Seriously my wife and I never fight anymore and if there is a disagreement, we talk it out calmly. We usually try to wait unil the kids are not around. There are just some conversations that kids do not need to hear. I heard some conversations in my house as a kid and some of those conversations caused me great anxiety. I specifically remember one time when Dad came home early from work. Dad had been laid off his job. I cried as I was worried I would lose my home to sleep in. Some how my parents always made a way for us. Our kids pick up on conversations that my wife and I have. So we need to be careful when we talk about particular matters. Some things kids hear that they shouldn't can cause them anxiety. I would urge parents to always wait until after bed time for serious matters.

So you can see how last nights devotions came out. Worry is a big thing in our house. I explained to our kids last night how to get rid of the worry. We just need to ask, trust, and believe that God will take our worries away when we ask him too. I also told our kids that if you start to worry again, to just ask God to take it away once more and keep doing so until the worry is gone. As parents we need to teach our kids how to trust in Jesus. We should talk to them about it and live it in front of them as well.

The things that I have done and the issues that our marriage have faced, have had an impact on our kids. Those things reach far beyond what I would have ever believed. While I have made a lot of mistakes as a parent, as a husband, and as a friend. I am working hard to reverse those affects on all aspects. What we do every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week... has an some type of negative or positive affect on our kids. I have discovered the kids are deeper than I thought. They take the stress and anxiety ten times harder than we do as adults. They seem to be unselfish in ways that we adults should learn from. It is hard for me to believe they held all of that in during our marriage issues. Now that we have turned this family around, our kids have relaxed, they tell us when something is wrong. We are finding out they had feelings that ran deep that we didn't know about. I have apologized, reassured, and spent lots of time telling my kids how much I love them. Bottom line, if there are new parents reading this, let this serve notice. God doesn't bless us with kids to show them how not to be married, or to be a Christian, or be a parent. God blesses us with kids to teach in the right way according to God's holy word.

Ok so what to pray for... Pray for May 9th court date. Pray for our kids. Continue to pray for my wife and I. We are discovering that maybe it is time to start making some more changes in order to line up with God's will. Pray for a family that we know.... today is a tough day for them.

Father thank you for our kids. Thank you Father for turning our family around and removing some of the many anxieties that they have. Thank you Father for peace that you give to them.