Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Your spouse deserves attention...

A person once told me that after my wife and I have kids, to make sure we still make time for each other. My response? Don't worry we will. I am going to give that comment another FAIL!! I was so wrong. I had no idea what was in store and the impending issues that children bring to light in a marriage. Well... I soon found out. Children are just one aspect of paying attention to our spouses. As husbands and wives, we need to make sure that we make time for each other. That is so important. I know of these "things" if you will that seem to take attention away from our marriage. I often wonder if spouses paid more attention to each other before the age of cell/smart phones. I will go one step further... before the Internet came in full swing.

There is a rule in our house. The rule is our cell phones stay on the counter after the work day is over. There is nothing important enough on that phone whether it be text messages, emails, or Facebook that is more important than family time. There is nothing important enough on those devices that should take priority over my wife. So I make sure that I give attention to the important things in my life. You have all read previously in a blog where I got very real. I got very honest about my phone, computer, and Internet. I described how those things blinded me from seeing the truth of how God had changed my wife. That was just one aspect of the many.

There are other things in life that can distract us from our spouses. People... this includes those family members who sometimes make it their mission in life to divide a marriage because of their own agendas. We have seen this in our marriage and it was one of the root causes of our marriage downfall. I will leave it to my wife to write about her family if she likes.( I could spend weeks on that alone. Heck she could probably spend weeks alone on my affair.) Anyways... There are also those "friends" who think they have your best interest at heart. Word of advice to friends out there... be supportive, listen, and pray for and with your friend who is going through a rough time. Most times what you think is their best interest is probably polar opposite of what they need. My wife is my very best friend, but I have a couple of others out there who were so supportive of me and showed what true friendship is. Friends just be attentive. (sorry got off track there)

Kids can also be attention grabbing beings that can totally distract you from your spouse. My oldest son was the master at the divide and conquer technique. That alone caused me and my wife to be divided. Those disagreements would get out of hand and a fight would ensue not even about him. That divided us even more. The fight would cause us to not want to be around each other resulting in neither one of us paying attention to each other. That is bad news. When your kids have figured out how to do this, things can go very wrong very fast. Want to stop this? Then pay attention to your spouse so your kids can see that they cannot divide you two.

Here is another big distraction in some marriages. Career... yes that is right. I am talking to you work-a-holics out there. I am not going to slam anyone who adequately provides for their family. I see nothing wrong with that. However, when that career of yours starts to inflict pain on your marriage that is where I draw the line. This could be one of several factors. Your drive for career and money over shadows your priority of your marriage. Time required by your superiors carries into your home. Your superiors expectations that company comes first over everything else. That was a big "no no" on my part. I put career first and it also played a part in the downfall of my marriage. My wife and I are both guilty of this. Myself more than her. But now that things have changed in our marriage, our superiors are having a hard time dealing with our time less spent on our jobs, due to the fact that we want to focus on our marriage and the attention it needs and deserves. You know what I say to that? If your job is robbing the attention that your spouse deserves, it is time to seek the Lord for a solution. Then trust the Lord to provide the answer and for your needs.

These are the attention robbing things that I can think that played a part in my marriage suffering for so long. When you don't pay attention or give your spouse attention, you miss out on a lot of things. You miss out on several blessings. You miss out on hearing their heart. You miss out on helping them grow in life. You miss out on some of the happiest times of your life with them. You miss out on taking care of them. You miss out on laughter. You miss out on tears. There is so much to a marriage and I think a lot of couples have missed the boat or have lost site of their spouses.

I have to say, the same goes for your spiritual life with Christ. All of the above distractions can pull you far away from Christ and rob you of the attention you should be giving the Lord as well. I am not saying these things because I am guessing. I am saying things because I was guilty of every one of them. It doesn't really matter how long any of you have been married. All, some, or one of these could be your marriage. I pray most days that the Lord would distract and destroy the enemy that is a threat to my marriage. My wife is the most important priority to me on this earth. My Lord and savior is the most important thing to me in my life. How about you?

So what to pray for... Friends March 14th is coming. Please pray for this date. We need the Lord to work. Pray for our kids. Pray for our marriage. I am seeking direction on this blog. This blog has not gone public yet and I am really thinking of letting a broader audience know. Pray for the Lords leading on this. I want God to use me and anything I have however I can.

Father thank you for making your priorities clear to me. Thank you Father for my wife and allowing me another chance to give her the attention she needs.