There are many things about me that I would like to be normal. I would like to wake up every morning and not have to worry about finances, or worry about if the kids are going to cooperate in the morning, or if some other type of drama is going to enter our lives. But there is nothing really normal about our marriage. I cannot think of one thing that has been normal since the day we met. It has all been a challenge in one way or the other. It seems to me that there has always been some sort of drama. Some of it tied to me, some of it tied to her famiy and some of it tied to things outside of our control.
When I started to put myself in this situation a couple of years ago I gave up whatever normal I had left. You see folks this is a result of parting ways with God. I thought I was in control of my life, but really I wasn't. I gave that up the second I told the Lord to leave me alone. I began to induldge in a life that I had no business even thinking about or trying to live. There was just nothing normal about it. I began that slow slide downwards with something waiting to devour me. The slide was a rush for a while and the faster I went, more stupid I became. Resulting in my journey back up that hill and getting to the top where the Lord wants me, wants my family and wants my marriage. In many ways, I am carrying this load. I brought everything down with me, and now I must carry it all the way back up. It is a heavy load of which I am happy to carry. But it is a long road. It is longer than the slide down.
After the affair and making a marriage work, is hard. There are so many hurtles you have to overcome. It takes two strong and determined individuals to start over. There is hurt, there is pain, there is no trust, there are all kinds of questions that need to be asked and answered. I have heard many times that people know of a couple who this happened to. One spouse or the other had an affair for whatever reason but they came back with a stronger marriage because of it. Well here is what is interesting about this fact. While it IS true, my wife and I are definately stronger than ever. The things that make couples like this stronger is because they are now practicing and doing the things they should have been doing from the very beginning. Things like:
1. Loving unconditionally. This means ever aspect of that person inside and out, good days, bad days, and just ok days. Meaning that not only should I have loved my wife romantically, but I should have viewed her as a gift from God to enhance my life experience and that I should have showed her the unconditional love that Christ shows the church.
2. Unselfishness. This is a big one. I should have strived to put her needs before mine and considered her feelings about everything. Not only that, but the struggles she faced with her family. Rather than criticizing and thinking about how I was going to get out of the marriage, I should have been on my knees praying. I should have been understanding of the big picture. There were things that I put myself above and beyond anyone else that never really were that important. This is the last two years and beyond that.
3. Spiritual oneness. Another big one. Christ should have been the center of our marriage and our family. We just never made it a priority. I think we both thought we were strong enough to be married on our own. A marriage needs Christ in the center. How else will it survive? God cannot use two individuals in a marriage to do his will.
4. Transparency. There should be no secrets in a marriage. There should be no reason to hide on purpose or because you are scared to show your truth. The only secrets/surprises that should be in a marriage should end in some type of party or some type of a GOOD shocking surprise. Other than, everything else should be open and on the table. I can list many of those things, but the big one is each others hearts.
These are just a few and I can explain them later on, but for today this is enough for even me to chew on. I just want to say I love my wife more than I ever have and I always will. We have plans and those plans are going to be according to God's will for our lives. That is what I want normal to be.
OK so what to pray for.... Pray for the states attorney to make a decision in our favor. Pray for our jobs, and that Krista would find one that is close in town. Pray for our kids. Pray for that special someone who needs our prayers this week.
Father thank you for truth. Father thank you a new normal that you give every day.