Thursday, April 5, 2012

Tough Conversation(s)....

I would be lying to you if I said that the conversations that have taken place have been easy. No.. far from it. Dec. 26th on the way home from a family outing was a conversation that I wish I could have done all over again. As I sat in jail the words of that conversation played out in my head. As I look back, I wish I would just been completely honest as well as believed my wife when she said she would do anything to make our marriage work. I stupidly didn't want to at that moment, because I was so tied up in sin and the affair I was having. That was pretty much the last conversation I had with her until the court date which I believe was January 11th. If you click on the link you can see the blog I wrote the day after.

So the day of court arrived. I was the first one to get to the court house. I had been praying all along that I would get a chance to talk to her. We looked at each other before walking in. At that point God revealed to me how amazing and beautiful my wife really was. In court they called our case. I had to go up and after some preliminary stuff came the matter of the no contact and order of protection. The reason for this was so that my wife would have time to clear her head enough to think straight. Part of it was dropped so that I could see the kids, but not her. I was so dis hearted by this because we had mouthed a few words back and forth to each other before our case got called. My first one was "I'm sorry". At this time she didn't know how much I had changed. But following the advice of her lawyer the no contact was no dropped. Walking out of the court room, I looked at her and asked "why"? So then she looked at her lawyer and mine and asked if we could talk. The next 45 minutes we talked. Tough questions were asked and at this point she had NO reason to believe anything that I had to say. My only course of action was with action. By some answer to prayer both of our lawyers were still there and the judge was still on the bench. My wife asked the the no contact be lifted and it was done. By 4:30 that day I would be able to talk to my wife and see her.

That night I arrived and greeted the kids as I had not seem them in two and half weeks. We had some much needed family time together. Then came bed time. We put the kids to bed and my wife and I sat on the couch for what turned out to be an all night conversation. A lot of tough questions were asked such as why and where and what was I thinking. Another is how did she know I wasn't going back to her or to that life when things get tough. My answer for that one was God has saved me and I trust fully in him to take care of us. I explained my experience in jail and how God changed me inside and out. I explained how I was seeing things so differently and that what she had done was the best thing that could happen to me. My wife asked a lot of questions about things that I had lied about. I was honest with every one of my answers. Two years of lying and deceiving my wife were gone. It felt so good to give the truth. I felt so good to be free in the Lord.

Tomorrow... The building of trust daily and assurance.

Ok so what to pray for... Same as the last blog. I did have a tough day at work yesterday and I am really praying for the Lord's will. I ask that you all pray with me on this. I know I do not belong in my current career. I am waiting on God to move.