Many phrases and words come to mind after the daily beating I give myself for the past. I am constantly sore from beating myself up. I have said I am sorry, I have said I wish I could go back and change what I did. I wish I could take it back, etc... The beatings are far less these days, but none the less they still happen. Self administered. I wish I could forget what I did like God did when he forgave me.
So how does one move forward? Well God has forgiven me and so must I. This is not something that happens over night. It is a long progress, but part of that progress is being thankful for where I am today. Sometimes my wife and I talk about the person I used to be. I was a liar and I thought I was good at it, but when sin is in your life, everyone knows one way or the other, or they will find out. I blew it for my family and made my wife look like a fool. Some still think she is for taking a man like me back who cheated on her, caused her emotional and physical harm. The hurt for her hasn't gone away that easy either. She still has hurts and memories, but together we are healing. I can only tell her how much I love her and allow to hurt and hold her when she needs to feel secure. God has changed the both of us. God continues to change our marriage giving us patience with each other where patience is needed. As long as we are willing to allow God to work and continue to be the center of family and marriage, then nothing but amazing is ahead of us.
So I admit I was wrong. I said I was sorry, and I promise to pray for my wife, my marriage, and my family. I will continue to right the wrongs I have made in the past. My wife will always know that she is the only woman I want, the only woman I love, and the only person I will be with forever. If she has bad days, then I will do my best to make sure those bad days are just that a bad day, not week or month or year. It is the promise that the good days will by far out number the bad. It is a promise that when the going gets tough, that the tough goes away because we made it go away together. I will not be perfect and I will screw up. But my attentions will be those of love and nothing less.
OK so what to pray for... Pray for us as we move. Pray for our kids as they adjust to their new digs. Pray for our marriage and continue to pray for the the Lords ever lasting will on our lives.