Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Thoughts to share with you...

I have been reading "The New Strong willed child" by James Dobson. Maybe that isn't that exact title, and I am to lazy to get up and go look. But none the less I have learned a lot in just the first 40 to 50 pages thus far. I have one child who seems to be very strong willed. For a nine year old, he is a strong spirited child. However, he has met his match in his Dad. What I have learned thus far by reading the book, is that he was born this way, but also environment has something to do with his strong will. Boy is that a slap in the face. I have thought over the last couple of years before 2012 started and looked at the kind of father I had been. I have been less than anything close to good. I had shown my son how not to act. However, he picked up a lot of bad things from me and thought that these things were OK. It has been a battle, but as a father I have been making head way with him showing him how to live the right way. I haven't been perfect, but I know for certain that he and I are on the right road. What I have also learned from this book is to pick the battles and to win decisively. This is also good marriage and family advice. A person once told me before I got married to pick the battles I could win and leave the ones alone that I couldn't. Anyone would tell you in life to pick and choose your battles. I haven't been all that great at it and in the past have made some very poor decisions. I made decisions that created battles inwardly and outwardly that I had no business fighting.

This past year if you have been a faithful reader of this blog, you have read about this journey and how I have been doing my best to right this ship. We are fast approaching a year that this blog has existed. I know some receive this blog by email and some... well at least one of you check this blog daily. My hopes were that this blog would eventually makes its way past the few of you who read this. I have often thought about using this blog and turning it into a book. I would call it "My life as a messed up hubby." I have often thought about just ending this blog after a certain point. In the very beginning the first blog entry was a letter to my wife that she didn't read until two weeks later after I wrote it. You read about my daily journey through those two and half weeks about the daily battles I was facing with fear, anxiety, and the thought of my family no longer existing in the traditional sense. You read about my ups and downs. My victories, my low points, and the answers to prayers. You read about the dreaded court date where the answer to prayer shocked me to my core. You read about what I had done and why I was in court. You read about the books I read which were the Love Dare and The Shack. The answers which I gave in all honesty of some questions that were asked in the Love Dare. I bared my heart and soul in this blog. I basically mapped out my struggles almost daily there for a while. I talked about what I was learning. I talked about how I was learning to be married and what it meant to be a husband, father, and man of after Gods heart. You read about how I was starting to apply Gods word to my life and how I lived it.

Well here we are almost one year later to when I started this blog. What is left to say really? I have often thought about signing off with an explanation of my family riding into the sunset. I have thought about changing the spirit of this blog and talking about more than just marriage. But the name of this blog speaks for itself. One Messed up Hubby. Yeah that was me. I was messed up at one time. Admittedly I used that title to let my wife know I was messed up. I wanted her to see me as I really was. I was messed up, sin had made me stupid and my life was crumbling before my very eyes at the time. At stake was my family, my marriage, and my future. I stood to lose it all. My wife forgave me and allowed me a chance to show her what I really could be as a father and husband.

So now I can sit here and honestly say I am so in love with my wife, in fact the most I have ever been. I love her with all that I am. She is my best friend and my rock. I can't imagine my life without her or my kids. I wouldn't ever change it or trade it for anything. We have moved to a different place not only physically but emotionally as well. Life here in Ohio is good these days. The daily struggles are pretty normal and nothing like they used to be. I could dare say we are becoming the normal family with pretty normal dysfunction. I stand by that statement by the way.

So what is left? I have made this blog public and readership has not increased. I have struggled lately with what I should be writing. No one wants to read a boring blog. I made this blog public and searchable hoping that some lost husband or wife would read this and find their way home. Maybe that has happened as I have no way of telling who exactly reads this blog. For me this blog turned from a way of documenting my journey from sin to a life in Christ to a tool for ministry. I feel strongly for men out there who need to know what it is to live a life filled with Christ and devotion to his will. I want men to stand up be the who God called them to be. This nations is in need of men who want to be the spiritual leader of their families. We see every day the down turn of family. The institution of marriage is not sacred like it used to be. The Lord has called me to counsel those who are lost in life, their marriage, and their family. My burden for these individuals is heavy and my passion for helping them to heal is beyond anything I can describe.

Maybe this is the longest entry I have written. But these are my thoughts. My entries are not daily or even weekly like they used to be. Life has been calm, but not without struggles or challenges. But I can sit here and say those are no different than any other person out there. There was a time that challenges and struggles I faced were different. I was recovering from living a sinful life and recovering from the brink of losing my life and family as I once knew it to be. I am truly thankful for what God has done for me. I am thankful that the ups and downs are not as steep as what they used to be. I am thankful for how far God has brought me on this journey. I am thankful for all the answered prayer and all of you who prayed for me through my toughest times. I am thankful for those of you who rejoiced with us after prayer after prayer was answered. I am thankful for this blog as it reminds me of where I once was and where I am now. I only hope that some person out there stumbles across this blog and receives encouragement from it. I hope that an individuals heart is ministered too by it. I hope that God speaks to them after they read this blog and finds that no matter what, that Christ is our hope, our rock, and the one person, best friend, and deliverer who loves them the most.

These are my thoughts and I give you permission to share this blog with someone who you might think it would bless. As for me, I will continue to post to this blog as I am inspired too. I hope some day that word spreads and this blog ministers to the lost and those who don't think they have a chance in life. We are called to feed the hungry, bring water to the thirsty, and minister to the lost. That is what I will continue to do.