Seems like this week I have had several reminders of the past. A friend who reconnected with me in the past two weeks. Two great conversations of sharing with him lightly about what is going on in my life. Seems like in the past when I spoke about God, he got uncomfortable and abruptly ended the conversation. The last conversation we had was right after God had broken the chains of sin in my life. I began to tell him what God was doing and had done for me. I don't think at the time he believed me. That was the last time we spoke up until the past couple of weeks. He said he had seen our name while browsing facebook. I believe things happen for a reason and just maybe this was God saying time to heal another relationship. That and a couple of other things have happened this past week that have made my wife and I talk freely and openly about the past few years.
I think about my life and the last three years up until now. If you have noticed, I do this a lot. I think about all of the people that I have had to apologize to for my words and actions. I think about the sinful life I was living and how big of a lie it was. In talking to my wife I explained to her my sinful life and thought process. I would start the day with what conscious I had left and try to justify my actions. But at the end of the justifying, I was left with guilt about everything I was doing. At the end the day and the same thing would happen.. I started those days putting on a costume. A costume of sin. A costume that had selfishness all over it. I costume that had adulterer written all over it. A costume that had dead beat father and husband on the front and back. The sad thing was I couldn't see any of it. I would proudly wear it thinking I was right all the while knowing deep down inside my heart I was wrong. What I saw on this costume was justification for all that I was doing. In all reality each day was filled with deception after deception. I was lying to myself and to everyone around me. But I was the only one who couldn't see how destructive my life and these lies were. Sin will blind you and make you stupid.
Jesus died on the cross so that we could be free. Jesus lived a life that was free from sin. Jesus knew his fate. Jesus had nothing to prove and nothing to lose. Jesus walked the talk and talked the walk. This reminds me that I always need to mirror that in my life. I have nothing to prove to this friend that reconnected with me. But... I am letting my words and actions speak for themselves. The costume that I once wore, was hung on the cross. There this costume was tossed into the sea of forgiveness and forgetfulness.
We as humans sometimes can't forget how we have been wronged in the past. We sometimes can't forget the hurt either associated with those wrongs. Sometimes things come up that trigger those emotions and give us an all to fresh reminder of the past. When this happens, I can hear the zip of the costume each day that I once wore. I am reminded that my actions need to match my words. I am reminded that the life that God wants for me will slowly come together according to his will. It is like an old house being restored, it takes time until it is back to its original beautiful, new and improved condition. Like that house that was given up on... people who gave up on me might come back around. These people might want to hear what Jesus did for me. They might be looking for hope. I will gladly tell them about the costume and where I hung it. I am glad that Jesus saw something in me worth restoring. I am thankful Christ loved me enough to die for my sins. Christ bore my costume on the cross so that it would be gone forever.