Monday, June 24, 2013

What every marriage can do without…

Every marriage can do without a dirty five letter word when it comes to life. Any guesses? Yes you in the back corner of the blogosphere room... Yes DRAMA!! That is correct!! Drama is only good when watching a TV show or going to some type of on stage play. This week has been one of those weeks, where I get so sick of people making mountain out of a mole hill. There are some that are very good at creating drama and do it constantly. These kinds of people allow drama to rule their lives. They feed off of drama, and it is the basis for living their lives. Drama can rule every fiber of their thoughts, personal lives and family lives. Drama has a profound effect on their friends, family, and acquaintances around them. Soon the “dramateers” if you will find that friends are no longer willing to acknowledge them or their drama.  Sort of like the guy who cried wolf one to many times. No acknowledged him and the consequences were not favorable.

Married couples sometimes base their marriage off of the same drama principal above. If marriages allow drama to penetrate, then chalk it up as yet another unneeded challenge. It is sad to say that I have seen a lot of examples of marriages that allow drama to rule their marriage as well as their lives. I ask the questions, as married couples; shouldn’t we as followers of Christ be setting the example of how to be married? Shouldn’t we be setting the example of how not to allow drama to rule our lives and marriages? This is the word of Lord and what the bible says about taking part in drama in life.

Galatians 5:15
But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

I look at my own marriage. I have caused undo drama that did damage as you all have read. I think of my kids and what that drama not only did to them, but taught them as well. I think about what that drama did to everyone around me. How my drama that I caused affected them, how it affected their opinion of me, my marriage and my family. I am reminded that with three kids, drama is rampant on some days with sibling rivalry. My wife and I do everything we can to teach them to peacefully resolve their differences. We are constantly teaching to be spiritually minded when conflict arises and there is potential for drama.

It seems to me that participating in drama does damage to a marriage or our personal life. Sometimes that damage will take a very long time to repair. When there is drama people are going to get chewed up, spit out, and the chewers will be as well. When there is drama in a marriage, it will get chewed up spit up, broken, and irreparable beyond recognition. In our house we have adopted a no drama way of thinking and living. We aren’t always successful, but we strive to avoid drama at all cost. I'm finding that when my wife and I need answers in life, or we are faced with a situation that could bring drama our way, we bury our heads in scripture and spend time on our knees talking to our father in heaven. It helps us to not complain but to be content in all situations and with the counsel of our Father in heaven we know how to best handle anything that comes our way. I would rather those see how Christ is the center of our lives, marriage, and family. Maybe our actions might bless others. It’s time we view situations, circumstances, and challenges through the eyes of Christ when faced with circumstances that have the potential to stir drama that could damage our marriages, lives, and families. Enough is enough. Between God’s word, and prayer, we have an unlimited source of answers to all problems in life. Time to start using it.. Nuff said..


Monday, June 17, 2013

Marriages need it too...

The journey is not easy and although you may think you are weak, you are wrong. The journey of marriage is a forever commitment forever.  A man and women should never enter into it unless they know that they know they can complete it together. In other words, until death do you part. Marriage is a machine that is involved and has many moving parts. If one part is broken, the rest of the marriage will not work and it will proceed to crumble. That one part that is broken will eventually cause a complete failure. I don’t care first time married, second or whatever, all parts must be working. I worked in manufacturing for many years. There were times when the whole division or plant was taken down for routine maintenance. If routine maintenance wasn’t done, eventually something would break down, taking down the rest of the plant. When that happened, manufacturing was brought to a grinding halt until the problem could be fixed. Nothing could work until that issue was resolved. 
In the past year and a half I have found out that my marriage requires down time maintenance. Downtime could be a date, maybe just an hour or two to talk or an overnight stay some place. I believe with kids this is even more important, that a husband and wife connect in every way possible during this time of maintenance. Without this time, things just starting falling apart and you will find yourselves doing things separately of each other. Separation will cause distance, causes communication to stop, and the marriage will start to suffer as well as your family. Maintenance is even more important if you have kids. The time alone for you and your spouse is very important. Deciding to raise a family does not mean putting the romance, the connecting, and the maintenance on the back burner. In fact, if you have kids or have decided to start having kids, keeping the marriage on the front burner is even MORE important. It is important to make your marriage even more of a priority. In our marriage we make it a point to intentionally leave the kids or send them away so that there is time to focus on our marriage and why you married each other in the first place. One of my favorite times is when we travel. The kids are usually occupied in the van and we usually do a lot of talking during that time. I could go into why it is important to display how much you love each other in front of your kids; however I will save that for another time. But it is important. Bottom line here is to not lose each other in the hustle and bustle, in parenting, in your career, and any other thing that might try to steal the focus from your marriage. Keep at the center of why you married each other in the first place and always keep it in maintenance and ever expanding. And hey… Don’t forget our father in heaven who brought us spouses together in the first place. God should always be in that center mix too.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Another loss..

When I was 29 I lost my first Mom to cancer. Two weeks ago I lost my second Mom to cancer as well. That would be four deaths in our family in the last ten months. A friend was telling me that the top stresses in life are moving, change of job, and death of a love one. Well that would be all three for my family and I. How in the world does one get through something like this? Look below...

This was a sticker that I took down today that was on the wall in our home as we are preparing to move. This sticker reminds me of several things that have happened over the last year and a half. It is a statement and one that I have often thought when faced with uncertain, maybe impossible, or difficult situations. Apparently according to the stats, it is impossible to bring Mom back from heaven and who would blame her. I wouldn't want to leave either. Moving is difficult and a very involved process, and changing scenery with our jobs, will take some adjusting.

A pastor friend said to me at my Mom's funeral that I was growing up... He continued... if there were no bumps in the road, we wouldn't learn anything. Let me put it into my words, if there were no bumps in the road, how would we come to know how much God loves us and know how his grace is there for us anytime we need it. I think of a family losing two wives and mothers. God promised he would never give us anything that we couldn't handle. Even though it says so in the Bible, it almost seems cliche right?

One thing that my Mom always said through thirteen months of cancer was that God had a plan. It almost seemed as if, cliche was status quo for Mom. Mom knew that God had a plan. In our loss it is very difficult to see what that plan is. In our tough circumstances it is difficult to see the big picture called God's plan. But these bumps in the road are all part of God's plan and lead us to our final destination in heaven. But the secret to getting through these difficult circumstances is to know that all things are possible with God. I never want to minimize anything that God has brought me through. NEVER!!

Whether it is loss, change of job, moving, marriage, family issues, or any other difficult circumstance, God is there through it all. We face many dark and uncertain times in our life. The writer of this blog certainly knows the last couple of months let alone the last couple of years have been difficult, but God has seen me through it all. I can't imagine where I would be with out God's grace in my life.

If you are sitting and wondering where God is, don't doubt that he isn't. I made that same mistake and gave up on God. That one decision got me no where fast. Please if you are sitting where I was at a couple of years ago, trust God with your life today. Without God everything is impossible.