My oldest son frequently leaves out the noun of which he is talking about in starting a conversation with me. For example, "Dad did you get a chance to look at it?" My response is usually "Son.. which "it" are you referring to?" Sometimes I really don't understand what he is referring too, but in the mind of a an almost ten year old kid, his Dad should know every thought in his head. Well I don't and can't read every thought in his head or any of our other kids for that matter.
I feel like I have written what I feel like is just about every topic on a marriage that was on the brink of ending. Yes my wife and I for the last two years have been recovering from what seem would be the end of our marriage. I believe that through this blog, I have been more than transparent with my experiences. I have admitted my wrongs, and I have testified on many occasions what God has done for me, my wife, and our marriage. I am positive that there are other couples out there who can relate and could expand on these experiences and most likely talk about different ones. In a perfect world I would love for them to share through this blog what God did for them and their marriages. I can only ask that they would, if they decide not to, that is fine as well.
When I started this blog it's main purpose was so that my wife could see where my heart was when I was not allowed near her or my kids. I prayed that she would get the address. That prayer was answered and you can read about it from the beginning. As I moved on with my wife, I wrote about my experiences during the recovering process and restoring our marriage. Entries became less frequent and since then I have tried to write an entry at least twice a month. As we distanced ourselves from the past and moved toward the future, the experiences have been less and less.
Looking back over the last few blogs, I found myself writing about a central theme and that was what God can do with all struggles of marriage and life. So, I find myself at a crossroads as where I should move with this blog. Pardon me while I step away from this present thought for a moment... I like to go to movies. I am not the owner of very many movies and here is a reason for that. When I go see a movie, I like to remember it for what it was. I savor that in my mind as being a good movie or a bad movie. Very rarely do I find myself going out and buying/downloading that movie (yes I said downloading, we live in a new age don't we?). If I do buy a movie it is only because it has made an extra deep impression on me. The purchased movie I would have to enjoy watching again from the comfort of my couch next to my gorgeous wife. There are also movies out there that play frequently on TV and I know that I can catch most of the movie or parts of it as well. I say all that to say this. What do I do from here? Several thoughts enter my mind. I could switch topics and write more generally on family, the spiritual walk with God creating a whole new blog address. I could just stop writing this blog and let it be that movie if you will that you may catch on TV, own, or see just once.
As I am sitting here, I think about my life, expanded family, my marriage, and being a father. Life is never the same and it offers new experiences, challenges, goods, and bads as frequently as I change my socks. Through it all, I depend on God to see me through whatever comes my way. I know that I can go to my Father in Heaven and say.. "God "it" is not happening yet" or "I need help with it". Unlike not knowing what my son is thinking, God knows exactly what IT means when I am talking to him. Not only did I mention my marriage when I said the word IT, the word IT has been used numerous times in talking to God. There have been many "it's" There will be many more to come. I could perhaps write about the past "it's". I could write about a current "it" that satan in all his glory is trying to destroy.
I love my wife more than I ever have. I continue to love her more each day. Our marriage has it's challenges. But these challenges are ones that are more normal than what they once were. We no longer stand out as the couple who had their marriage effected by outside forces, infidelity, or domestic/physical/verbal abuse. Thank you God that we now stand out as the couple who's marriage is a new creation. We stand out as a couple who stuck with it, figured it out and got it right. We stand out as the couple like any other couple who works hard at making our marriage work. We stand out like most others now, because God is the center.
In conclusion... I have loved writing this blog, I have prayed that this blog would be used to touch others. I have shared my heart, I have shared prayer request and those who read this blog have prayed with us on those request. The blog address includes "messeduphubby. This hubby is just the normal "messed up" like most other husbands because THIS HUBBY let God have control. I honestly don't think I have come to a real conclusion as to if I should stop writing all together, or just go in a different direction or continue the course. God has moved us forward towards the future. There are different struggles now outside of our marriage. It very well could be that you will see the next entry about those struggles. It very well could be that this may be the last entry for messeduphubby. I will say this, I am interested in your feed back and I covet your prayers for God's will. I am open for others to share through this blog about their own marriage experiences of how God worked. I know of other couples who have had similar things happen and how God has restored them. I even open to interview and sharing a personal story of redemption, healing, etc of a persons life. I want to be used by God and I want to use whatever means he has for me to do so. Pray with me as I consider what God has next.... Until then may God bless you and keep you!!