My wife and I differ on driving methods. I LOVE cruise control and she doesn't. Yes there is a point and stay with me here. It has been just over two years since God worked a miracle in my life. There have been lots of ups and downs. I would have been fooling myself if I thought this journey would be easy since God had transformed me. It truly has been a roller coaster ride. I had to remind myself at times, that the anxieties that I caused for my wife were not going to automatically go away. I would be lying if I said that there weren't some challenging and tense discussions. I would have been wrong to think for one moment that I wasn't going to face some questions or discussions that made me feel less than comfortable. I browsed through the very beginning of this blog this week. I was reminded of how broken I was. I never imagined that God would use me the way he has the last couple of years. God has put some people in my path that I have been able to share with. Whether our story made a difference in their life or not, I don't know. Honestly I may never know. But God does what he does when he does.
In reading the beginning of my blog, there was so much that I wanted for our marriage. Feeling God's love, his forgiveness, and my wife's forgiveness motivated me to be something I never had been. I was on a high. But like a roller coaster that high doesn't last for long. We tend to start cruising and forget some of the things that are important components of marriage. We reach that level of comfortableness and the things that we should be working on, we tend to slack on. I am guilty of that. Sometimes we let life get in the way. Sometimes we are so focused on the things like being a responsible adult, being parents, or worrying about money, that the things that a marriage needs land on the back burner. Sometimes we are tired and rather than pushing ourselves we rest when we shouldn't. Well to combat that, I have been really focusing on my prayer life. One of the things I have asked is for God to show me where I needed to improve as a husband.
In my spiritual life, I don't want to be on cruise control. I want to be broken so that God can use me. I also want to always remember where I started two years ago. I wanted a lot of things for this marriage and I need to continue to work on them. I am not perfect and as a husband there are things that God and I play tug of war with. In all circumstances I need to just let go of the rope and let God have them. So in keeping with the tone of this blog. I need to be real about a few things.
Just because we are married, doesn't mean the romance should stop. Making the bed is not going to make my wife think that I am the most wonderful guy on earth. When I was off work, I felt good about myself because I "sort of" kept up with the laundry. In reality that was my job among many others while my wife was at work. Saying I love you isn't enough. I need to show my wife that I love her. I need to continue to strive to be that husband that I said I wanted to be in the very beginning. I admit I have been in and out of cruise control. I get why my wife doesn't like cruise control. It is too easy to fall asleep at the wheel and we all know what will happen if we fall asleep at the wheel.
I am glad that I have a reminder of my thoughts for this marriage. I am glad God can use such a thing to remind us of his plan for marriage. I am glad God can use our past to guard us when proceeding to the future. I am no expert at being married. In many ways I am typical man. I will never be the perfect husband and because of that, I will always have room for improvement. But at the end of the day, I need to make sure my wife knows that I stand behind her. I need to make sure that my wife knows how much I love her. But ultimately I want to honor God in my marriage and that means throwing cruise control out the window.